Newborn Sleep & Contact Naps: We spoke with The Mindful Sleep Coach

Newborn sleep is meant to be unpredictable: contact naps, feeding to sleep, short naps and night feeds are all normal in the first twelve weeks, and you are not creating bad habits. A gentle routine can start from around six weeks, following age appropriate awake windows and your baby’s sleep cues rather than keeping them up for longer, because overtired babies find it harder to settle. At around four months, the 4 month sleep regression changes how your baby's sleep cycles are structured, and gentle methods can help them learn to settle without being left to cry. Through all of it, what works for your family is the right answer, within safe sleep guidelines.

When I had my first, I was overwhelmed by the number of sleep approaches out there, each one certain it was right, and I went down the sleep training route because it felt like the thing you were meant to do. With my second I've been far more relaxed, keeping what works and letting go of what doesn't. So I wanted to sit down with someone who could explain the why behind it all.

Gemma is the founder of The Mindful Sleep Coach and one of the sleep specialists on Amae. She is a certified baby and toddler sleep coach based in South West London, a mum of two boys, and she works with families from pregnancy until their little ones are four. Here is what she shared, from the newborn weeks through to the four month mark.

Sleep coaching vs sleep training: what is the difference?

Gemma calls herself a sleep coach rather than a sleep trainer because her aim is to give parents the knowledge behind every change they make, rather than hand them a method. "I look at things holistically," she told me. That means the sleep environment, the baby's temperament, the family's values, how you like to parent, what you want to achieve and your comfort levels, with self settling as one part of the picture rather than the whole of it. A sleep approach picked up online, or from AI, might be right for someone, but it doesn't know your baby.

Newborn sleep: what is normal in the first twelve weeks?

In a word, chaotic. Babies aren't born with a body clock and don't know day from night, which is one of the things Gemma works on with parents in antenatal consultations. Feeding around the clock, short naps, contact naps and feeding to sleep are all normal and calming for a newborn's nervous system. The one thing she would look into is comfort. A baby who seems uncomfortable, or who cries and cries, may have tummy trouble or tension held in the body after birth, which can show up as a preference for feeding on one side or seeming tense.

Are contact naps a bad habit?

No. "In the early days especially, newborns need that contact and that help to sleep," Gemma says, and feeding to sleep is natural too, so you are not making a rod for your own back. If you love those early contact naps in the fourth trimester, enjoy them, because they won't be sleeping on you forever. Equally, if you need more space, it is fine to settle your baby and lay them down in their own safe sleep space. As she puts it, "it's only a problem if it's a problem for you." And nothing is forever, even if it feels that way at 3am.

Newborn wake windows, and why an overtired baby is harder to settle

The biggest myth Gemma hears is that keeping a baby awake for longer in the day will give you a better night. "Trying to settle an overtired baby or toddler is a lot harder than trying to settle a little one who has been awake for a more age appropriate time," she says. When little ones are awake for too long, cortisol rises and settling gets harder, which is why, on the whole, sleep can breed sleep in the earlier days.

That is what awake windows are for: a rough guide to how long your baby can comfortably stay awake between sleeps. They are individual to each baby rather than a set number, so the aim is an age appropriate stretch of awake time, not keeping your baby up as long as possible. There is still a balance, and if day sleep is eating into nights it may need trimming, but keeping a baby awake for hours on end usually backfires.

When to start a newborn routine, and what a gentle newborn sleep schedule looks like

Gemma suggests six weeks as the earliest point, once feeding is going well, though there is no rush to start then. A gentle routine looks like:

• Waking your baby at roughly the same time each morning, within about half an hour.

• Starting a bedtime routine around twelve to thirteen hours later, perhaps a bath or a wash (not every night), a feed, a story and low lighting.

• Following age appropriate awake windows through the day for a loose pattern of naps, with feeds around them.

Repeating the same steps each night is a kind of habit stacking, and over time your baby learns that bath, feed and book mean bedtime.

What is the 4 month sleep regression?

It hit us hard with my first. Gemma prefers to call it the four month progression, because it is talked about so often, and sometimes in such a scaremongering way, that it is easy to forget it is a sign of healthy development. "There is a fundamental change," she explains, as your baby's sleep cycles move forward to something more like adult sleep. Because your baby is more aware as they pass from one sleep cycle to the next, you may see more night waking or shorter naps. Every baby is affected differently, and some much more than others, but nothing has gone wrong and it is nothing you have caused.

Can you prevent the 4 month sleep regression?

What you can do is make it easier for your baby to move through it, with the same foundations as a gentle routine: consistent wake up and bed times, a calm wind down before bed, and a sleep environment that helps, meaning a dark room, white noise and a clear cot.

Many of the families Gemma works with come to her after this point. Some babies sail through without needing much help, but for others, learning to settle themselves is what makes the difference, because a baby who can get themselves back to sleep between cycles is more likely to link those cycles into longer stretches.

Responsive sleep training: how to help a baby self settle without crying it out

There are responsive ways to do it. For a four month old, Gemma might start by rocking to sleep, then move to patting, then to talking, and then gradually move your presence further away. Another is pick up, put down: lay your baby down, pick them up if they are upset, calm them, and lay them down again. "It's not about leaving them to cry," she says, and much of her work is showing parents that a responsive approach is possible.

Temperament matters too. Some babies don't want to be touched while they settle, so sitting beside the cot with a hand on the mattress, or popping in and out of the room, may suit them better. Gemma's own boys are very different sleepers, and the method has to fit the child.

Is "sleep when the baby sleeps" good advice?

It is said with good intentions, but it can add pressure. Your mind may be racing, sleep might not come, and there is washing, a shower, food or another child to think about. Gemma suggests asking yourself what would actually serve you right now. That might be sleep, or it might be sitting down with your eyes closed, listening to music, or a shower.

How can new parents cope with sleep deprivation?

Look for rest that isn't sleep: closing your eyes, a meditation, a good meal, a bath or a walk, anything restorative that tells your body it is safe to rest. And share the load wherever you can. It is fine to ask friends, family or neighbours for help, because we all need it.

How can a partner help with night feeds?

If mum is breastfeeding, a partner can still do a lot overnight: changing nappies, bringing the baby to mum, winding and settling after the feed, or taking the baby for the early morning stretch so mum can sleep. Some families, Gemma's included, introduce a bottle at the late evening feed so mum can go to bed early and get one longer stretch of sleep. In the daytime, making sure she has water, food and someone who listens matters just as much.

What should parents know about sleep before the baby arrives?

Try not to compare. Gemma's eldest was born just before lockdown, and she remembers measuring herself against friends whose babies seemed to sleep better. "Your value as a parent is not based on how well your baby sleeps," she says. It is one of the things she most wants new mums to hear.

Why sleep support makes a thoughtful gift before the baby arrives

Antenatal consultations are some of Gemma's favourite sessions, because there doesn't have to be a problem to fix. Parents can ask what they need, what to expect in the early days and how to ease any worries, before they are in the thick of it. Gemma remembers asking the midwife on her first night, "so what happens now?" As a gift, it says to a friend or family member that you are thinking about her, not only the baby. Parents to be can add sleep support when they create a village, or you can send a flexible gift card.

Gemma's one tip

Follow your own path, within safe sleep guidelines, and try to drown out the noise. Then be consistent. If you change a wake window or try a new settling method, give it around five days before deciding whether it is working, rather than switching approach every day.

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Frequently asked questions

What is normal newborn sleep?

In the first twelve weeks, newborn sleep is irregular: feeding around the clock, short naps, contact naps and feeding to sleep are all normal, because babies are born without a body clock and don't yet know day from night.

Are contact naps bad for newborns?

No. Newborns need contact and help to fall asleep, and contact naps and feeding to sleep are natural in the early weeks. They only become something to change if they stop working for you.

What are newborn wake windows?

The stretch of time a baby can comfortably stay awake between sleeps. They vary from baby to baby and grow with age, and keeping a baby awake for longer than suits them tends to make settling harder, not easier.

When can I start a newborn routine?

From around six weeks at the earliest, once feeding is established. A gentle routine means a consistent wake up time, a calm bedtime routine twelve to thirteen hours later, and loose wake windows during the day.

What is the 4 month sleep regression, and can you prevent it?

A natural change at around four months in how a baby's sleep cycles are structured, as they move towards more adult-like sleep, often bringing more night waking and shorter naps. It can't be prevented, but consistent wake up and bed times, a calm wind down, and a dark room with white noise and a clear cot all help.

Are sleep pods and baby nests safe?

The Lullaby Trust does not recommend them, because their raised, padded sides mean they are not the firm, flat sleep surface that safe sleep guidance calls for. A clear cot or Moses basket with a firm, flat mattress is safest.

What does a sleep coach or sleep consultant do, and do they use cry it out?

A sleep coach looks at the whole picture, your baby's age, temperament, comfort and sleep environment and your family's values, then builds a tailored plan and supports you while you make changes. Gemma of The Mindful Sleep Coach uses responsive methods rather than cry it out, with support by WhatsApp and calls, for families from pregnancy until children are four.

Can I find a sleep consultant near me if I'm not in London?

Yes. Gemma does home visits around London, but much of her work is over Zoom, so families anywhere in the UK can book her through Amae.

Hannah Gregory is the founder of Amae, a curated gifting platform that connects new families in the UK with trusted postnatal support, from meal delivery and night nannies to sleep consultants, doulas and wellness treatments, so the people who love them can gift real, practical care. Expert answers from Gemma, certified baby and toddler sleep coach and founder of The Mindful Sleep Coach.

Sources

• The Lullaby Trust, Safer sleep information

• RoSPA, Baby sleep products