If you can't be there in person, the most useful thing you can give a new mum is the help family used to give: proper meals, a night or an evening off, someone to share the load at home, expert feeding support, and a little time that is just hers. All of it can be booked with trusted local providers and gifted from anywhere, so the support arrives at her door even when you can't.

You know what she's just been through, and you probably remember those early weeks better than most. But when popping round to help means a two hour drive or a flight, it can be hard to know what to actually do instead of sending another card and a babygrow.

My mum had her own mum move in for the week after I was born, doing the laundry, cooking the meals and simply being there with her words of wisdom during what can be a magical but fragile time. I can't imagine many families working that way anymore, with parents and grandparents spread across cities, counties and sometimes continents, but the need for that kind of support hasn't gone anywhere, and if anything it has grown.

Why new mums need more support than they're getting

Women are having children later than ever. The average age of mothers in England and Wales reached 31 in 2025, and in London it is higher still, at 32.5. Thirty years ago it was under 28. Many of us build careers first, running teams or working on big deals, and then find ourselves at home with a newborn, quietly confused that "just a baby" feels harder than anything that came before. The confidence that comes with experience at work doesn't always carry over, and the village that once surrounded new mothers often isn't there.

The numbers say the same thing. Research from the Co-op and the British Red Cross found that 82% of mums under 30 feel lonely some of the time, and 43% feel lonely often or always. The Royal College of Psychiatrists estimates that between 56,000 and 85,000 mothers in England, 10 to 15% of those who give birth, experience postnatal depression each year. These are not small numbers, and behind each one is a woman who needed more support than she had.

If you're a grandparent, an aunt, a sister or a friend who lives too far away to help in person, you feel that too. A fluffy toy feels meagre and a babygrow feels beside the point, because what you want is to do something real. The good news is that you still can.

What can I do for a new mum if I live far away?

Here are six practical ways to show up for her, each one standing in for something family would once have done in person.

1. Make sure she's eating well

Food is the one thing every new mum needs and almost never prioritises for herself. Gifting postnatal meals delivered to her door means she is eating properly through those foggy, relentless first weeks without anyone having to plan, shop or cook, and it is the closest thing to turning up with a casserole. Our Nutrition services bring together nourishing meals and expert guidance on recovering and rebuilding strength after birth.

2. Give her an evening, or a night, off

What second time parents often crave most is a spontaneous evening out, or even a quiet afternoon in, and what first time parents crave most is sleep. A few hours with a trusted babysitter, or a night with an experienced night nanny, gives her permission to breathe, reconnect with her partner or simply sit in silence. It sounds small until it arrives. Our Sleep services are built around exactly this.

3. Book her expert feeding support

Feeding can make or break the early months, and the difference between struggling alone and having someone qualified beside her is enormous. Gifting a session or two with a lactation consultant or feeding specialist is one of the most quietly powerful things you can do, because it tells her you can see how hard this is and you want it to be easier.

4. Send a postnatal doula

If you can't be there yourself, a postnatal doula is the next best thing. A doula offers the kind of support that used to come from family, cooking, laundry, holding the baby while she showers, and gentle guidance through those fragile early days. It is, in many ways, the most loving gift of all: presence, when you can't be present yourself. The hardest part from a distance is usually finding someone vetted, available and the right fit, which is why we only work with providers we trust. You'll find doula support in our Household services.

5. Take something off her list

Some of the most appreciated help is the least glamorous. Laundry, a home organising session, or a regular nappy delivery means one less thing to remember and one less moment of realising at midnight that you've run out. My own mum set up a Peachies nappy subscription for my sister and me, and it was one of the gifts we were most grateful for. Peachies deliver soft, more sustainable nappies to the door every month, so it's a gift that keeps arriving long after the flowers have gone, and one you can set up from anywhere in the UK. This is the kind of ongoing, practical love that grandparents do so well, and it keeps showing up, just as you would if you could.

6. Give her time that's just for her

In the early weeks you become so entwined with your baby that it's easy to forget who you are. A postnatal massage, a beauty treatment or a wellbeing experience, something she does without the baby, is a small reminder that she matters too. Our Holistic Wellness services are designed for exactly that.

How do I choose the right support from a distance?

A few things make it easier to get right:

• Ask quietly. Her partner, or whoever is closest to her, will know whether sleep, food or an extra pair of hands would make the biggest difference this month.
• Think about timing. The first two weeks are often full of visitors, and it's weeks three to twelve, when everyone has gone home, that support is felt most.
• Let her choose when. An Amae gift is redeemed when she's ready, so she can book a service in the first week or save it for month three.
• If you're unsure, keep it flexible. A flexible gift card lets her pick the care that feels right, from £10 upwards.
• Add a few words. A personal message makes a practical gift feel personal.

Why practical support makes a better gift than another babygrow

Most new parents receive far more clothes and toys than they could ever use, and very little of the help they actually need. Practical support eases the physical and mental load in a way things can't, and it tells her something important: that she is being looked after too, not just the baby. That's the idea behind Amae, and behind our name, which comes from a Japanese word for the instinct to be cared for and connected. It takes a village, and you can still be part of hers from far away.

You don't have to be in the room to make her feel cared for. The right support, chosen with real understanding, says everything that words sometimes can't.

Choose Support or Send a Flexible Gift Card

Frequently asked questions

What is the best gift for a new mum rather than the baby?

The gifts new mums value most are the ones that give them food, rest, help at home or time for themselves: postnatal meal delivery, a night nanny, a postnatal doula, feeding support, a massage, or a nappy subscription from a brand like Peachies. They ease recovery in a way clothes and toys can't.

What does a postnatal doula do?

A postnatal doula supports the whole family in the weeks after birth, helping with cooking, laundry, light housework, holding the baby and feeding, and offering calm, experienced reassurance. Their role is to care for the mother so she can rest and recover.

How can I support a new mum who lives in another city?

You can gift booked services that are delivered to her home by trusted local providers, such as meals, sleep support or a doula. Many of our services take place in person, so check that a service covers her area before booking, or send a flexible gift card so she can choose what works where she lives. Some gifts work wherever she is, such as a Peachies nappy subscription delivered to her door each month.

When is the best time to give a postnatal gift?

Any time in the first year is welcome, but support is often felt most from around week three, once the early visitors have gone. Because Amae gifts are redeemed when the recipient is ready, you can send yours early and she can book it whenever she needs it.

Can family members club together on one gift?

Yes. Parents to be can create a village, a registry of the support they'd love, so grandparents, siblings and friends near and far can each contribute to the care they actually need.

Hannah Gregory is the founder of Amae, a curated gifting platform that connects new families in the UK with trusted postnatal support, from meal delivery and night nannies to sleep consultants, doulas and wellness treatments, so the people who love them can gift real, practical care wherever they live. A version of this piece first appeared on The Derrière Diaries.

Sources

• Office for National Statistics, Births in England and Wales: 2025 (final rates)
• Office for National Statistics, Births in England and Wales: 2024 (refreshed populations)
• Co-op and British Red Cross, research on loneliness among young mums, Mother's Day release
• Royal College of Psychiatrists, Postnatal depression harming up to 85,000 new mums in England (2025)